If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
