A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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