I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
