he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
