like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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