i just had sex bonerless
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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