I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
