R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a hot homeless man
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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