Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
