I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
