Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
