I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
