How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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