The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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