Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
