Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize