I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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