His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
