you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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