Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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