come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
