just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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