in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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