two words: eviction party
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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