when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
