I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
