At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
