About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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