I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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