My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
