Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
