And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize