He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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