So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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