I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
