watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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