I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
