I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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