ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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