last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
