rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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