can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
