If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
