the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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