dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
