Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
