so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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