All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
