So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
