When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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