I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
