My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
