Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize