When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
