I smell stomach acid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
