I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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