I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize