KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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