we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
