I'm drive I can fine osifer
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
