I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
