Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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