I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
