Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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