I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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