Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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