i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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