final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
