Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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