Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
