They should really pass out barf bags in church
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
