no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
